Raining Cats and Dogs
by Vegimeat
Summary: AU. There are many things that Allen never thought he would have to do. Working as a maid at a maid café was one of them. Laven. Lavi/Allen. Kanda/?
1. Chapter 1

Allen stared at the black board and began to zone out without even reading the red vibrant letters

Vegimeat- Allo. I will be honest with you. I hate Laven. End of Story. Yullen is the best. So how did I start writing a Laven story? Easy, peer pressure. Don't give in to it like I did. (also 'cause my BFF moved and I promised her a ff 'cause I love her to DEATH) I attempted to make this a comedy, so apologies if you don't think it's funny.

Title: Raining Cats and Dogs

Rating: M! I cannot STRESS this enough. Later on it will have very, very graphic lemons.

Summary: AU: there were many things that Allen never thought he would have to do. Working at a maid café was one of them. Laven. LavixAllen

Pairing: LavixAllen. Kanda/??

Warning: No Lenalee bashing. Dead serious. I hate her too, but it's immature to do character bashing. Also it's annoying. There will be lemons later on, foul language (because I'm a cussaholic), some OOCness though I try…. I have a life and I can't study characters for hours a day. Boring beggining

Disclaimer: I own D-Gray man. What you going to do now?! (seriously disclaimers are pointless. This website is called for a reason!) No, I really don't own D-Gray man.

OoOo

Allen stared at the black board and began to zone out without even reading the red vibrant letters. He had been sitting there and doing the same thing for the past 3 hours. Sadly Allen hadn't even allowed himself to find a cheap café to eat at or even a bathroom for that matter. This was most likely the reason why he never particularly enjoyed airports. It did not help that there had been a two hour delay.

To tell the truth Allen didn't even know why he was at the airport. Actually he did, but the manner of which Allen found himself was questionable at best.

A female voice spoke overhead and Allen's hopes began to rise. Maybe he would finally be able to go onto the plane after hours of delay.

"Gate 48 may now board. First class please step up."

Allen looked hopefully at his ticker groaned. He was gate 49. So much for keeping his hopes up. With dismay Allen continued to look at the ticket. It was the ticket that had been tucked into the envelope that Cross had left on his night table. The only indication that Allen had in knowing that the ticket was intended for him was the brief threatening note that Cross had tucked into the envelope along with the ticket.

The note had briefly said that Allen was to board the airplane and meet a man named Komui when he landed.

He had a bad feeling about all of this. It was not uncommon for Cross to leave without saying anything, but for Cross to leave and give Allen a ticket… well, that was plain shocking. It wasn't just any other ticket though it was a first class plane ticket. Something was wrong. Cross was well known for being cheap and for the man to go out and buy Allen a first class ticket was completely out of character.

'Maybe Cross is trying to help me,' Allen thought but immediately dismissed the thought. This was Cross that he was thinking about. The little faith that he had in Cross had been lost years ago.

"Gate 49 will now be boarding, we shall be taking off to London, England momentarily"

Allen practically jumped out of his seat when he heard this. Finally his plane was there and with it there was dread welling up inside of him. England.

OoOoOo

Komui glared at his watch. It was just his luck that Cross had him pick up the new recruitment. Typical sadistic bastard. He could be doing useful things such as drinking coffee, looking at robot magazines, or even sleeping. Anything that avoided work and Komui considered picking up an unknown person to be considered work. It was then that Komui wished that he would have piled this job onto Reever. (In truth was was that he took the job from Reever because Komui had deemed it an 'easy' job)

Even three hours after the plane was supposed to land Komui had yet to get coffee. Looking down at his wrist watch Komui noticed that it was 10:30 and the last coffee shop that he had seen at the airport closed at 11. Now it was more of a moral dilemma. If he went to get coffee then there was a chance that he would miss the boy, but on the other hand it was coffee. It wasn't much of a hassle deciding for Komui after all he deserved to treat himself after a hard days work. What was the worst that could happen? It wasn't like anything bad would happen in a matter of minutes.

Better be safe, Komui thought and knocked on a wood panel that was in the waiting area. Without a second thought Komui practically ran to the other side of the airport to the coffee station called "Liquid Beans"(who was he to judge the choice of name that the company took up? As long as the coffee was good he could care less). As he ran he could not understand why he kept on hearing 'asshole' and 'ow! Don't shove', even 'bastard!'. Obviously they did not realize that it was an emergency.

"Asshole!" Komui shook his head; he had truly lost his faith in humanity. If people were suc cold hearted bastards to think that he could not treat himself to a cup of coffee….

OoOoOo

Komui glanced at his watch. Now he was happy, filled with coffee and-- was 45 minutes late to the newcomers plane! Not a moment later Komui was racing down the large corridor to the gate that he should have been at. By the time Komui finally made it to the correct gate, wasn't his fault if the numbers weren't ordered very well or clearly, it was close to midnight.

He berated himself, then Komui and came to the conclusion that none of the blame could be laid on him! Why should it be his fault if Cross sent a note to him only saying 'I'm sending a kid named Allen over soon, so take care of him' and inside with a time that the plane would land! Really, was it his responsibility to pick this Allen up?

A voice in the back of his head replied, yes. No matter how much he wanted to Komui couldn't deny the truth in this. Especially since Reever had offered to pick Allen up. But, Komui being himself thought that picking up Allen would be a clever ploy to get away from work.

Komui surveyed the waiting area and tried to find someone that could be an Allen. There were few teenagers and many adults. There was even an old man who was tapping his foot in what appeared to be an impatient tap. Randomly Komui walked up to a group of teenagers with pillows and blankets.

"Is any of you Allen?" he asked and gave what he thought would be a kind smile. Though the teenagers eyes shifted from one to another as though they were debating their odds. Since there were five of them Komui could not understand this but just the same waited for their answer.

"No," A brunette piped up and gave Komui a look that looked as though it were pretending to say that she could see into his very soul (which Komui very much doubted).

Komui's smile faltered but nonetheless he thanked the group and turned around to only hear them whisper words of him being some kind of pervert. He merely rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Now he was even more annoyed there was no one in the waiting area that could be an Allen. And now to make things even better, people thought that he was some sort of pervert.

Komui was officially annoyed with both himself and this Allen. Pulling out his cell phone Komui pushed his speed dial and heard the phone ring three times before going to the message system. _Reever must be asleep_… Oh well, he thought and kept on pressing the speed dial what seemed like a dozen times, he might as well wake up Reever it was for his own good anyway (in Komui's opinion he felt that Reever should feel overjoyed that Komui would take time out of his busy schedule specifically to call him) . These thought waves were before he heard an angry roar on the other line.

"What.do.you.want?"

"I can't find Allen." Komui calmly stated and pulled the phone a foot from his ear, he didn't want a hearing aid anytime in the near future.

"You, what?" Reever was angrier now. "I gave you one simple task…."

Komui began to tone Reever out and instead began to play with his earwax. Anything was more entertaining than listening to this prattle.

OoOoOo

Allen should have known that if Cross gave him plane tickets then there should have been some sort of ulterior motive. But now Allen began to wonder what it would be, he even wondered where he was supposed to go after he got off of the plane. In the note Cross said that there should be someone there that would be meeting him.

Not only had his plane been delayed but when he had gotten to England he had found that no one was there to even greet him_. Maybe they're running a little late_…. Somehow Allen doubted that they would be over 3 hours late. He waited with his small amount of luggage for half an hour and sat down in the waiting area. Allen wanted to tell off whoever came so late off, but decided against it and instead took out his agitation by tapping his foot repeatedly against the ground.

"Well, you see the coffee—Yes, Reever I needed the coffee…. Maybe if you would have picked up the boy yourself…. I never recall remember you offering such an offer." Allen heard a Chinese man calmly say into his phone. Though if the screams from the other line were any indication Allen guessed that the other person on the other end of the conversation was anything but calm.

"Excuse me sir, is there anything that I can help you with?" Allen asked.

The Chinese man turned to face Allen and said, "Thank you, Mr.-- You're not an old man!"

"N-no," Allen looked at the other man nervously.

"What's your name?" The man demanded.

Allen paused and opened his mouth to find that nothing came out. "Erm… It's Allen Walker." He extended his hand to shake the other man's in what was supposed to be a friendly handshake.

Something in the man's eyes lit up. "You're Allen?"

"Yes." Allen answered a little unsure. What if Cross had sent a madman to pick him up? If that were true then it would not surprise him in the least. Cross himself was a little rough around the edges once you have lived with Cross for any amount of time you learn to understand that things aren't what they appear to be.

The man quickly shut his cell phone without saying a goodbye to the person on the other end, stuffed the phone in his pocket, and then lunged at Allen.

"Allen!" Suddenly Allen fell over from the weight of the other man on top of him. "I could kiss you! I thought I was going to die in this airport!"

"Umm—could you plea-"

"After centuries of looking, I have found you!"

"Mister--"

"The coffee lords must be smiling down at me in forgiveness!"

Allen lay limp in the other man's hold. It was no use wasting his energy. He was right though in not trusting Cross.

It felt like hours that the strange man ranted to him about many things none of which made sense. For some reason Allen was glad that the man's prattle made no sense it would have scared him more if it had. After the man got up he had an air of dignity that many would envy.

"Well, now that you have kept us. We should go," Komui said and before Allen could begin to fume with thoughts of 'this was your fault' "By the way the name's Komui Lee."

"Nice to meet you," Allen offered a smile. He tried to resist the urge to blame Komui fir the fact that they had been kept for so long. They began walking in the deserted airport and Allen couldn't help but not be able to keep up with Komui's speed. "Erm, could you please slow down," Allen asked.

Komui complied and looked at Allen as though he were dissecting him. "I can see why Cross sent you," Komui remarked. And Allen began to feel uncomfortable under Komui's hard gaze.

"If you don't mind me asking but why exactly am I here?"

Komui blinked. "You mean Cross never told you?"

Allen was now even more confused then he was before. What had Cross neglected to tell him this time? "No…"

"You're going to be the new worker at 'States Galore'."

Allen's eyebrows furrowed. He had no idea what that was but before he could ask Komui had already answered. "It's a maid café."

"A-a what?!"

OoOoOo

A/N: Holly Crapimole that was a hard chapter. I hate first chapters they're the worst.

First off there will be a Kanda pairing. The one I have planned but I am open to consider what the readers want.

Also in need of a BETA. My grammer sucks ass.

R and R


	2. Chapter 2

SORRY it's been way too long. This story is way too much fun to write to not update. I've been extremely busy (much to contrary belief I have a life), I've been training for a DDR competition….

THANKS TO THE AMAZING BETA!!!!!CRAZY LITTLE FELINE! Woot.

I would have written more but as most of you know TONIGHT is the presidential election!!!! I am so excited, SO I am going to be glued to the T.V watching politics….

OoOoOo

Allen stared at Komui in shock. "You can't mean it…"

Komui shook his head. "No, I'm serious."

Allen dropped the bag he was holding.

OoOoOo

Now Allen and Komui were in the car, it was currently 3 in the morning, and Komui seemed extremely annoyed. It wasn't like it was Allen's fault that the luggage was lost and wouldn't be there until the next flight. Which was the reason why they were at the airport until 3 in the morning.

Currently Komui was having a serious case of road rage. "He did not just cut me off!" Komui yelled. He sharply turned into the other lane and speed up to catch up with the offending Blue Mustang. "Allen quickly grabbed the sign labeled 'cutting off'!"

Allen looked at Komui confused but spending long enough with Cross told Allen that he should do what he was told immediately. "Now when I catch up to the driver, hold it up to your window, got it?"

Still, Allen was extremely perplexed. He began to fear for his life as Komui stepped harder onto the gas pedal. When they had caught up to the Mustang it proved to be two teenagers, one with red hair and the other with black. Allen did as Komui told him to do and held up the sign.

The Mustang immediately slowed down and the red head looked at the sign horrified, his uncovered eye was wide as a saucer.

Komui gave a triumphant laugh. "Shows them right!"

"Um, Komui, what's on these posters?" as Allen asked he turned around the sign. His face turned red and his mouth hung open.

"That's German porn," Komui still sounded triumphant. "You see, if you merely yell at a driver, especially a teenage driver, they tend to ignore you. Flash them hardcore porn and they tend to get the message."

It was quite true. The picture on the sign was so raunchy and disturbing that Allen felt as though his eyes were violated. On it was a woman and five bananas.

"If you see someone run a red light flash them the genital warts one," Komui said as though he were answering a question that he thought Allen was thinking.

Allen quickly shoved the sign into its respectable position behind Komui's car seat. Inside, Allen was cursing Cross. He finally figured the reason for the first class plane ticket.

OoOoOo

Komui and Allen finally pulled into the back of a building parking lot. The older man turned off the engine and looked at Allen. "So, what all did Cross tell you?"

Allen nervously began to play with his hands in his lap. "Nothing." It was the truthful answer and Allen hated that he was left in the dark about this especially when it was his future and his life!

"Well, that's going to make this hard…" Komui trailed off. "Well, you see, Cross borrowed a huge sum of money and still hasn't paid it off…."

"So you mean that he is using me to pay off his debts?" Komui nodded. "How much?"

Komui took his hands off the steering wheel of the non moving car. "One hundred thousand."

Allen gagged. "You can't be serious!" That would take years to pay! What had Cross even used the money for? He would wonder more but he continued to feel outraged, even victimized. This was just his luck!

When Komui did not respond, Allen knew that he was indeed serious. "What will I be doing? Will I just be the busboy?" Komui looked at Allen a little slack jawed and shook his head. "Cashier?" Allen asked hopefully.

"Allen, you're one of the waitresses. Erm, Allen are you alright?"

Allen was not alright. For one thing, he was to work inside of the café. For another thing, he was going to be one of the maids inside the Maid Café!"

Allen nodded. "Yeah, just a little shocking." Extremely shocked. Shocking to the point where Allen wanted to hunt Cross down and personally show his guardian how much he appreciated this.

Komui cleared his throat and opened the car door. The winter air rushed into the car making it so Allen was too distracted to even think about how exactly he wanted to kill Cross. They both exited the car and walked up to the metal door that had 'States Galour Café, Employee Entrance Only' written on it in bold red letters. He had a strange feeling that this year was about to get a lot stranger then he had originally anticipated.

He wanted to ask about the name and decided that he would find out soon enough.

Komui led Allen up a set of stairs that was guarded by another metal door that also had a lock on it.

"Most of the café workers live here," Komui began explaining. "I make sure to save you a room, but I must warn you, you are rooming with Kanda Yuu." The way that Komui had said this, it was as though there was something wrong with this Kanda person.

"What's wrong with Kanda?" Allen asked. He was beginning to get curious about the whole maid café even though he would never forgive Cross for this.

Komui gave a nervous laugh. "Let's just say Kanda'ss a little special…."

Allen nodded in understanding. He had dealt with mentally challenged people before. They weren't a problem to him. "Thank you, Komui," Allen said.

Komui turned around to stare at Allen when he had reached the landing. "Your bedrooms that way," he pointed to the left. "It's the last door on the right. The kitchens are downstairs and you are free to get food whenever the café is not open. Hours are 11- 8, by the way. We're closed on Mondays."

Allen nodded and tip- toed down the hallway to his bedroom. He slowly opened the door as to not wake up the other occupant of the room. The door creaked. "Shhhh," Allen hissed to the door. It did not help the sound of the creaking though. Just as slowly as he opened the door he closed it.

The room was pretty bright, probably because of the large window that had the blinds rolled up. Next to the window was a bed and on the opposite wall of that bed was another bed. The bed next to the window was taken, so he sat on the unoccupied bed. When he looked ahead of him the other person, Kanda, shifted a little and grumbled in their sleep.

Oh, no! Allen practically screamed in his mind. Komui had given him a room to share with a girl!

He felt embarrassed while he unzipped his shoes and set them at the foot of the bed. Then he slipped under the covers while he was still in his street clothing. His bags were still in Komui's car because Allen had figured that he would just get them in the morning.

Slowly he slipped into a slightly nervous but peaceful sleep. What would working at this place be like?

OoOoOo


	3. Chapter 3 Kick It

**ATTENTION:** After much thought, I have decided to not have this take place in England. Mainly because I have never been to England, I originally wanted it to be there since that's where the Black Order is (though one episode insinuated that it was in Paris). Since I know nothing of England it will be taking place somewhere I know extremely well: Portland, Oregon. Google it if you have no idea where/what it is. Portland is extremely weird and amazing City which is perfect for this storyline! As they say 'Keep Portland Weird'.

Now that we're to an understanding, continue!

Sorry, but Kanda's not a girl. But we can make him look like one!

OoOoOo

Allen's eyes were bloodshot and his head was throbbing. The nervous and peaceful sleep he had first warranted had been rudely stolen from him by his roommate. Apparently Kanda also snored obnoxiously loud. Sun was slipping through the blinds and illuminating the room. Birds outside were chirping, a noise that Allen usually enjoyed hearing but now it made him have violent thoughts… such as taking a gun to them, or to Kanda.

He took the blue comforter and pulled it over his head in a last sign of desperation. It made him want to cry out in frustration for not being able to do a simple thing as sleep! When Kanda had stopped snoring he should have been able to fall asleep almost immediately. But he found that whenever he was on the verge of sleep he would begin thinking which would wake him up even more with stress.

What had Cross used 100,000 dollars for? More importantly how could he not realize Cross coming into such wealth. Surely the man would have at least bought a hotel room instead of the tent. Well, Cross used the tent and he stayed outside to make sure that 'no intruders came.'

Yet again he was wide awake.

He let out another angry cry and buried his head underneath his pillow.

OoOoOo

Two or three hours later, Allen gave up. Judging from the amount of light in the room he would have ventured that it was at least 8 A.M. He sat up and pushed the white blinds to the side a little and looked at the city around. It looked dismal. All the buildings were grey and concrete. It looked more like an industrial factory more than it looked like a city. Welcome to Portland, OR, his mind sardonically added.

After a few more moments he threw the blue comforter off and slid to the edge of the bed. Subsequent to working here, Allen was determined to find Cross and make the man suffer for this purgatory.

A rustling of sheets caught Allen's attention and he turned to see his roommate get to the beginning parts of waking up. His mind began to race. What if she freaked out at him and called him a pervert? After all it would be considered to be indecent. It wasn't like he decided to room here willingly! He was caught in a morbid fascination as she began to sit up with the sheets strategically placed.

"W-would you like some privacy?" Allen stammered. This Kanda person was rather fit for a girl. Her arms were well toned, but her hair was messy and looked coarse. It wasn't the kind that you would willingly comb your hand through.

What Allen could not understand was why Kanda was shooting him a glare and a mighty deadly one at that!

"I'm sorry, I'll leave!" He began to get up and dashed across the room. At this moment glad that he had decided to stay in his street clothes rather than grab his pajamas.

"Tch." Was the only reply that Allen heard before he slammed the door closed. If he would have been paying attention then he would have realized that the voice was much to deep to be female.

OoOoOo

"What did I get myself into?" Allen berated himself. Currently he was hiding in the bathroom, not because of bowel movements but from pure mortification. He wouldn't blame Kanda if she hated him! He must have looked like a pervert, like Cross. _No_, his mind protested. Next thing and he would be waking up with five girls in bunny suites, an empty bottle of Viagra, and wonder what he did the night before!

He was pulled from his thoughts as someone knocked on the door. "Hello? Is anyone in there? Komui you better not be stinking up the bathroom, again."

Allen stood from the white toilet and took the three steps across the small bathroom. He reached for the door knob and stopped. Right then it all came crashing down on him. There was no one in this strange place that he knew. Except Komui, but do eccentric people count?

"Damn it Komui! I told you 12 cups of coffee makes you get the runs! Use the— Komui can't you see I'm yelling at you…" the man on the other side trailed off when Allen opened the door. "Oh, you're not Komui."

Allen gave a nervous smile and stammered a quick 'no'. "My name's Allen Walker," He paused and wondered what exactly to say in one of these situations. "It's a pleasure to meet you" he extended his hand. To which the blonde man raised his eyebrows and his blue eyes flashed to the toilet and back to Allen's hand as though debating. "Oh! No, I wasn't using the bathroom! I was hiding from Kanda!" Then Allen began blushing at how childish he must sound.

"Oh, you must be the new kid, I'm Reever." Reever took Allen's hand in a firm but lazy handshake. "Don't blame ya for hiding from Kanda, he's a piece of work that kid."

He began nodding in agreement then the words sunk in. "Wait! Kanda's a HE?"

Now Reever's brows were furrowed. "You didn't know that? Don't tell him that, or else that may be the death of you." Reever's face turned dark as though he were remembering something and it didn't help Allen's nerves when Reever silently said 'rest in peace'.

Allen's eyes widened and he fervently nodded his head.

"Now may I use the bathroom?" Reever asked and pointed to the door. "It's the only bathroom and I want to get to it before Komui stinks it up."

With yet another blush and fervent nod, Allen hurriedly exited the bathroom.

OoOoO

Allen paced around the hallway, afraid to venture anywhere else. Such a strange and unfamiliar place was not exactly what Allen was banking on. He knew that he was right to be suspicious with the first class plane ticket. If it was nothing this bad Cross would have opted that he suffer. Probably even force Allen to swim across the Atlantic Ocean and walk 3,000 odd miles to get to his destination of Portland, Oregon.

He shook his head and continued to stare at his black boots as they made contact with the wooden floors. Allen began to frown and then bit his bottom lip. Everything was happening way too fast. Dammit! Why didn't Cross have the decency to warn him at the very least?

"Ouch," Allen said when he ran into something—or someone. He began to mumble an apology but stopped when he realized that it was Kanda. This had to be one of the worst first impressions that he had suffered through. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

Allen tried to offer a smile that looked more like a nervous grimace. Kanda glared and crossed his arms across his chest. Silence.

"My name's Allen Walker. We're roommates now." Not like Kanda could forget especially as how Allen darted from the room as though Kanda had the plague. Still Kanda was silent and now the silence seemed to be stiffing as though Kanda were threatening to kill him.

For the second time that day Allen extended his hand in hopes of a 'truce'.

"Tch, idiot," Kanda said and shoved past Allen.

Truce: Denied.

OoOoOoO

**A/N:** Peeps have been trying to guess EXACTLY what pairing I have in store for Kanda, sadly no one has gotten it right, BUT I have heard some amazing ideas. So I decided to write a short oneshot for the brilliant person who came up with this one.

Komui was roaming the halls in search for nothing in particular. He had just finished closing up the café at three in the morning. There was a definite reason why he drank so much coffee, if he didn't he would collapse at eight in the morning when he was required to wake up to open the café. Normally he never had to stay up until three but currently he was out a 100,000 dollars. That was enough to stress anyone out. (Though Komui had to admit it was a lot more stressful when Lenalee had a boyfriend.)

It was when Komui began to hear moans and groans coming from the end of the hallway that he began to realize that he was indeed becoming delusional. Why else would he hear sexual noises coming from Kanda Yuu's room out of all the other rooms? This would be something that he would expect from Cross back when he worked at the café, but Kanda?

Curiousity took over his common sense and he tip-toed towards the door. The moans grew louder and he now could hear panting. It was more soft and feminine Komui soon realized. Wait. Was it Lenalee? Just the thought of it made his pulse dart off the charts.

"I'll save you Lenalee!" Komui screamed and ran the rest of the way tip-toeing be damned! He reached the door and heard more erratic moaning. Then he slammed the door open intending to save his sister from the hands of Kanda, and then maim Kanda.

Instead of finding Lenalee, he saw a rather different scene.

"Mugen!" Kanda loudly moaned with his hands behind his head, completely nude, and his eyes closed with passion.

"Mugen?" Komui screeched. "My eyes are being raped!

The sword moved on its own accord with the blade gleaming with a blue aura. Was the sword possessed? Wait why was Kanda having sex (if you can call it that) with the sword in the first place! It made no sense! Komui slammed the door closed and darted out of the room.

For the rest of the night his mind was continuously raped with the images of the hilt of Kanda's sword continuously thrusting hilt deep inside of Kanda. He was going to hurl. It was that moment that he wished that it would have been Lenalee with Kanda.

Remember kids: when hearing strange noises emanating from a room, knock before entering!

**A/N:** I feel like an IDIOT. I lost my Beta's e-mail. Fuck. So now this story is beta-less. What to do in such a queer situation?

ALSO I will update more often. Most likely once a week. It is FINALLY summer vacation so now I actually have the time.

Reviews are my happy crack that keeps me going.


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